Thursday, February 26, 2009

This is why we're fat?

No, this is why I have a job. So I don't have time to sit around and bring my idiotic ideas to reality.

Check out the link below.

This is why you're fat.

I do have to admit, the first time I saw this website I cracked up. It really is funny, the stuff people create. I actually saw the chicken fried bacon on an episode of Texas Country Reporter.

The thing is, websites like this that become instant pop culture classics have the potential to get advertising, gain popularity, perhaps leading their creator to bigger and better things. Yet, this contributes nothing to society.

It's still funny as all get out.

Check out this website, which is just as addicting. It's called Line Rider.

When I first saw the website, it was real simple. Now, you can go to You Tube and find people's Line Rider creations that are just unreal.



And it's not that I'm jealous, but if I did something to gain this much notoriety, I'd at least like it to be something to contribute to society. Something of substance.

Not a bacon-wrapped hot dog on a bun with fried eggs and cheese.

But, again I'm human and when I was out at Mardi Gras eating my potato wedges with cheddar cheese sauce and bacon bits, I couldn't help but think of the greasy, fried creations on thisiswhyyourefat.com.

What do you think? Wastes of time, or humor well worth it? Or better yet, do you know of any websites that get you through your workday like these?

Grind that. And let me know!

Mike Tobias
Port Arthur News

Oh, not that I ever go to this website (wink, wink), but I am a HUGE Asteroids fan.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Octuplets’ mom — need I say more

Nadya Suleman is now a household name thanks to her decision to add more children to her brood of six.
Now she has 14 to take care of. Or for someone else to take care of.
A California-based nonprofit group called Angels in Waiting is offering round-the-clock care for the whole pack of kids.
This type of care would cost about $135,000 a month to provide 12 people necessary to care for the babes thus cutting the need for public donations.
I wonder if she went into this situation hoping to gain national attention and people to foot the bill for care of the kids.
Is this fair?
Was it fair for her — an unemployed, unwed woman — to add eight to her group of six through costly in vitro fertilization.
What about the women who want children but cannot afford the process?
Ok, I’m on a soap box here.
I’m married with children. When my three were kids my friend moved in with us with her two children. That makes five. I’d often bring the whole group fishing with me, sometimes alone, sometimes with another adult or two.
And I’d even add to that number because friends of my kids would want to go with us. I’d be out on Pleasure Island with upwards of 10 kids and having a blast.
Suleman’s father is asking the public not to punish his grandchildren for his daughters irresponsibility. He calls the actions of his daughter and her doctor “absolutely irresponsible.”
So, what do you think of Suleman?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle...

I thought that was just an expression.

I also thought it was just a running joke on Letterman. He's actually got a few (I think he's monkey-obsessed). Every once in a while, David Letterman exclaims that he wouldn't give his problems to "a monkey on a rock."

And during the Christmas season, the late-night talk show host would "treat" the audience to a recurring clip of a monkey sneezing.



Whether it be fascination or just a fetish I have no need for monkeys in my life. Yet here I am in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening inundated with the continuing drama of "As the Monkey Turns".

I've heard the 9-1-1 calls as many times as I can handle. Former TV actor/primate "Travis" the chimp mauls his owners good friend in Connecticut while she cries for the authorities to get to her home and kill it.

Did the chimp, who was 15 and fondley remembered by neighbors, go crazy?

Absolutely not.

The pull from the pages of Chris Rock, the monkey didn't go crazy. The monkey went monkey.



It's a wild animal. Despite how domesticated they can sometimes appear, it's still a wild animal. There's a reason their evolution progress halted and left them unable to leave the jungle. Monkeys are monkeys, they are not dogs, cats or goldfish.

If anything, "Travis's" owner, Sandra Herold is the crazy one. She gave the thing zanax the morning of the attack to calm him down, according to the Hartford Courant's Roger Catlin. Yeah, a little zanax to quell a 200-lb. chimpanzee.

People who treat animals too human-like freak me out.

Anyone else? Grind that...and let me know.

Mike Tobias
Port Arthur News

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Where's Joaquin?

I have to admit, I'm a big fan of Joaquin Phoenix.

And not just because the movie "Walk the line" was great. His stuff has always been great. His brother, River, was also great. Remember "The Explorers"? Awesome flick.

So when I hear Joaquin is quitting acting to pursue a music career, I'm like..sweet. Maybe he'll do some acoustic rock type stuff. You know, put out a little tunes like what he learned doing the Johnny Cash bio.

But no, then I hear he's into hip-hop...and going to pursue the career down that avenue.

Okay, I say. Whatever floats his boat. Who am I to know what one's passion is?

So then I catch Letterman last night. Boy, oh boy. The dude pulled something out of Andy Kauffman's playbook Wednesday night. You know, the 'silence is funny' bit.

But, unlike Kauffman, it...it...just hurt to watch man. If that's what he was going for, he swung away (another Joaquin movie reference...if you get it, I'll buy you a candy bar) and missed...bad.

Here's a clip from the show...



He's either severely loaded or...well, no, I think he's severely loaded.

The cyber rumor is that he pulled Wednesday evening's appearance on Letterman as a performance for a mockumentary that's being made, featuring him. But, from watching the show and the crowd's reaction to his antics, I don't think anyone told Letterman.

He even called out Paul Schaffer! Poor Paul, he was just over there chillin' by the organ and Joaquin called him the "guy with the maniacal laughter," obviously irritated that he was being laughed at.

My man Bob West is always quick to call out high-priced athletes who use their money to act like idiots. Well, I agree. If I had that kind of money, would I use my time in the public light to embarrass myself on national T.V.?

No.

If I was ever on Letterman, I know I'd ask too many questions about the Ed Sullivan Theatre. I'd be stoked...the place where The Beatles played. The Stones. Janis.

What do you think? Was it a stunt, or is Joaquin whacked out of his mind? Grind that...and let me know.

Mike Tobias
The Port Arthur News

Monday, February 9, 2009

An unavoidable confrontation

Have you ever run into somebody who seemed to be just looking for a fight?

A person who's personality is so hostile that every facet of their actions is geared towards creating friction throughout their surroundings? A typical "chip-on-the-shoulder" person.

Especially in a place like Luby's. It's so hard to resist picking a fight around other's who are trying their best to decide between fried okra or macaroni and cheese.



But, the other day I had the fortunate opportunity to meet such a person, who seemed to lack the ability to control their ability to be an idiot.

You have to be an idiot to try to pick a fight in Luby's.

This woman was trying her best to get in a fight with anyone around her. First, she tried got in a fight with her man friend, who then decided to get out of line and stand against the window as she proceeded through. Then, as she near's the meat selections, he decided he want to get a tray and rejoin her.

She then asks us if we're going to let him cut in front of us, to which we just didn't care.

But because we didn't "answer her right," she decided to loudly repeat herself and loudly question why we didn't "answer her right."

And when we didn't take the confrontational bait, she set her sights on the Luby's servers, questioning them until they didn't have an answer, then getting mad at them for not knowing how much each portion of each kind of meat was.

And right away, she went for what seemed to be her primary weapon. She got loud. She got loud and threatened to "hold up this whole !#^&%?^ line!" Followed up by her loud exclaimations that she wanted to jump over the line and smack the smirks off the server's faces and that she gave tham all a "freebie" by not doing so.

Seriously? Yup...seriously. I know three-year-olds that don't pitch that big of fits - that's because they know better. If my kid ever acted like this so-called adult, they wouldn't be able to sit for a month.

Seems to me like this lady missed out on a few spankings as a kid.

Ever meet a person like this? Grind that...and let me know.

Mike Tobias
Port Arthur News

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Thank God, the Grammy's are here...

...because if I have to watch that damn Grammy commercial ONE MORE TIME, I swear, I'm going "Office Space" on my big screen.

It's unbelieveable. I know CBS wants to promote the annual event - it is on their channel. But seriously - I just saw four Grammy commercials in one commercial break...TWO OF THEM WERE BACK-TO-BACK! The same commercial!

It wouldn't be so bad if each time they showed one it was different, and did not end with that Jonas Brother kids saying "baby" in his teenage angst.

Because life is so hard.

I enjoy the Grammy's as much as the next person...I'm a music fan, but there's only so much pushing and prodding I can take before I'm just going to change the channel.

And please...no one take that last sentence out of context.

Anyone else? Grind that...and let me know.

Mike Tobias
Port Arthur News

Monday, February 2, 2009

Up in smoke? So what?



Really...so what?

Okay, not that I condone any type of use of ANY illegal substance, but really.

Michael Phelps smokes pot. So What?

Was he out and about smoking it on the street? No. Was he tripped out and making a fool of himself in public? No. Was he endangering the lives of anyone around him or anyone period? No.

No, he was either caught by some paparazzi jerk with a long lens through a window, or some people he was partying with decided to carpe diem and grab a shot. Which is what I think happened, because the party in question was in early November, and the photo is now surfacing across the globe in the tabloid capital of the world, England.



Now, yes, he is a public figure and held to the higher standard that comes with being in the spotlight. One of the angles many of the round-the-clock news guys have been trying to pitch all day is, "Well, what will this do to the thousands of fans and kids all over the world that look up to him?"

Um, if when I have kids, his or her life is severely affected by one stupid move by a celebrity half-way around the world then I have failed as a parent. Because I for one would love to be THE biggest role model in the world for my kid.

I've been in high school. I've been in college. And I've been to Europe. And all I'm going to say is this. I will never, ever be suprised again in my life when I find out someone else smokes or has smoked pot. Trust me...athletes of all ages, business professionals, teachers, college professors, and students of all professions. It's always the same - the one's you would never expect would, do.

And I'm not speaking from experience: trust me, if you pulled out the longest drug test out there you wouldn't find one speck in my blood...or hair, or whatever it is they test.

The right to privacy is null and void the moment you leave your house. When a person is in the privacy of their own home, they have the right to do whatever they want. Who are we to judge? I'm very certain that if some idiot with a camera would peer into the homes of some of us regular people, they'd find some less than reputable activity going on sooner or later.

Should he have apologized? Sure, and he didn't take too long to do it, which means it's probably sincere. But my point is he shouldn't have had to. Because it's one thing to leave your "dirty laundry" out of the curb, but in this case someone pulled Phelps' dirty laundry out into the street for everyone to see.

In my opinion, it wasn't Phelps who should be worrying about what he does in his private time affecting the young minds of the world - it's the idiot who wants to make a buck by prying into the private lives of people with a total disregard for who it will affect all around.

Is it just me? What do you think? Grind that, and let me know!

Mik Tobias
Port Arthur News